Friday, April 23, 2010
Feeling like a failure for a mom.
I am having a little bit of a hard time coping with the fact that I am supplementing my daughter. Just over 16 months ago I had my third son. The pregnancy was uneventful for the most part and his birth and my recovery was fine. He started nursing just after I was rolled into recovery and from then on latch and everything was perfect my milk was in quickly and although he ate often he would get satisfied with what I was making ( even though I felt like it wasn't enough at first). While I was pregnant with him and believing he was my last baby I was determined that I was breastfeed him for a year at least. I tried pumping with him to increase my milk supply and it never went well even with a brand new pump. 7 months after I had him on August 14 th 2009 I found out I was pregnant again. I had no plans of weaning my youngest son until the dr I was seeing kept pushng that I really needed to wean him because it was too much stress on my body. I gave my dream up of making it to a year. Two months after he was fully weaned. When maiya was born she was 9 lbs and had low blood sugar. Just like Konnor did. I nursed her for a good bit and they checked her sugar and what I had was not enough to help her. I went ahead and agreed to formula from the start. So far she has had one bottle each day and I'm not sure if me breastfeeding is doing anything for her because she still hasn't gained her birth weight back. I'm just a little sad that That I had the chance to reach a year finally and didn't and now it looks like I won't really make it to. 1 month. I'm just not making much in the way of milk. I started the lactation helping pills ( I don't remember the name of them ) but so far they aren't doing much. Not to mention I have a little trouble swallowing pills so taking them is hard enough. I have increased my water intake nothing. So here I am laying next to my daughter which I have nursed off and on for the last two hours until I finally gave in and made a bottle. She took nearly 3 oz this time which is more than what she usually is taking but she's fast asleep next to me. Well at least she's stopped fussin at me.
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That's so much stress on you! Sometimes we just have to do what we can and try to make peace with it. I never had enough milk for any of my 3 children, not for lack of trying. It wasn't ideal, and for all I was doing, there shouldn't have been any reason for me not to be producing enough, especially with my first. Remember to take care of yourself too. It's easy to forget with little children who need you.
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