It’s Christmas Eve 2023. I’m sitting on my front porch, watching the rain fall. It’s ironic honestly. I should, and I am, grateful for what I have. It’s been a long year. I wish I would have wrote things down, but I didn’t. I’m starting a new journey and now I don’t even know where to begin.
Just over a year ago, I ended my 19 year marriage. I hated the idea of throwing away all of the time I spent loving someone. I remember putting my kids to bed, and then going to my room to do what I normally did, just not with screaming from the living room as he played video games, while I finished wrapping Christmas presents and filling stockings. Every single year that is what I remember of Christmas. There was a peace though, but in my head there was so much chaos. So many mixed feelings. So many emotions. I know I cried myself to sleep that night.
I honestly don’t remember too much of Christmas Eve 2022. But isn’t that a good thing? Nothing bad happened. I wasn’t fighting, I wasn’t faking.
This year, they are with him for Christmas. This is my first year of not having them with me on Christmas. I just hope they have a great Christmas. I hope if they feel sad, and miss me, they call. But most of all, I hope he shows them how special they are today, and tomorrow and honestly always. I hope he doesn’t get angry with them if they feel a little sad about the changes. They deserve, just as I do, to feel their feelings rather than bottle them up, and hide it from him, and everyone.
I do have someone special in my life to share these days with. I am grateful for that. I didn’t expect to meet someone so quickly. We were honestly both damaged goods I’d say.
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