I am depressed or just plain crazy? Ppd or ptls?

I have always wanted to be a working mom. Although my idea of a job would be one that would allow me to still be there for my kids all day and for school functions. So Being my own boss
right. I like to be busy just not busy doing housework. I know we always want what we don't have. Just as they say someone who has straght hair wants curly and someone who has curly hair wants straight. But feeling as if you are doing something productive
really makes a huge difference to me. No matter how well I keep my house cleaned up and mess free my kids will make a mess in the room they are in. It is a never ending battle. It is also a big reason why I have been so stressed out lately. I have had more break downs In the last month than I have had in any of my four pregnancies where we know crying for no reason has it's reasons. But why am I crying and going crazy losing my patients and getting angry so easily lately. I have thought post partum depression which I was worried that it would happen this time around. I don't like the idea of pills but honestly I don't even know where to start. I hate myself. I know I'm depressed lately but I don't know if it's because of my situation or the hormonal changes that happened a fourth time around. I have been told it's spiritual but I can't even remotely agree that it's what's wrong with me. I have yelled at my kids so many times for things yeah it would upset you but it wouldn't necessarily set me off on a go to bed now kick. I have also noticed my kids have really distanced themselves from me.

Las night though I did a little more research regarding post tubal ligation syndrome. While pregnant with my daughter I had come across the information about it which did make me question should I get a tubal or should I wait to get an essure or something along those lines. During the last 4 months I have probably taken almost as many tests as I had when I was trying to get pregnant with my third child. I don't know why I have been scared of getting pregnant again despite having my tubes tied but I have been. I have had lots of "symptoms". Including terrible back pain which I have never had back pain except for durng pregnancy. I am overall able to withstand alot of pain than some. So I would believe that when someone hears me talk about my back hurting it must be bad. I am exhausted for no reason. My daughter sleeps through the night. I have had to just Go and lay down several times. I recall one that there was no way I could stay awake. Which
is not a good thing when you have four kids at home to take care of. I need to know what is wrong with me.
Last

Do you hear God?

This is a huge touchy subject for me. I still don't understand it when someone says God told them to do something. So to hear pray about it and see what God tells you to do is a very har reach. I certainly can't hear someone speak and signs, are very hard to understand. I usually joke that, this happened so it's a sign I shouldn't do it. On Saturday I was talking to my mother and discussing business ideas. I started my associates at a community college in my hometown and had plans to start off as a paralegal and then pay my way through to law school. Well I'm turning 27( I checked) in a few days and I can't even get back to the point of getting my associates. I keep looking back and feeling like it was a waste of time to
do all of the classes. Taking college courses is hard to do with four kids. Sadly I want to be super mom and get work and still have the ability to be able to be room mom and do all the field trips and parties for my kids. I want the best of working moms world and
stay at home moms world.


So I beleieve the only way to acheieve this is by starting my own business. I was telling my mother about the ad I had seen on craigslist about selling their consignment shop inventory. Basically they already have the shop up and open and they probably want to sell it all to move. This is exactly something I could see myself doing. A
childrens consignment shop. Of course I would need help but who better to help than my own mother. She would get the same. She would get to "work" but also get to be with her grand kids.

Another business idea I have is party planning. I am working on baby showering I am helping to host in August. Let me just say I am having a ball coming up with ideas. I would write
more about the ideas In this blog except the guest of honor has read my blog and I really want it to be a surprise. I am even hand making her invitations as soon as I get the rest of the information I need. I chose to hand make them because I did not find these anywhere else so far.
I don't even know where to begin with a party planning business. Not to mention I think it would have to be something I would need to do with someone else because I brainstorm with my sister or even my husband. My husband helped me out with the invitation idea for the baby shower. These are "jobs" I could see myself doing and keeping up with life itself. My life is already crazy with four kids.

so I have been told to pray about it and see what God says I should do. There was a time when my husband kept telling me I'm supposed to work in the nursery at the church. This was back at a time where I wanted my husband to leave the church. I am working in the nursery one Sunday a month and I'm doing it to help out. They are short nursery workers now. I'm usually in the nursery anyway because of nursing my daughter. Which I did gracefully ( and you could not see anything) yesterday whole wearing her in a new carrier I received from the latest MetroMom event I attended. But I do not "hear" from God and personally I think if I had I would be a bit freaked out by it. It is obviously just me because my husband has said he has been told to so things.
So the point is where do I begin?

Fitness! It does a body good

I feel over weight! I probably am. I have had four kids all born by c-section. And all in the past 7 years. I just had my last child almost 3 months ago. when I started out my prEgnancy I had not lost much in the way of weight since having my third child so I did not gain much weight with her. However 3 months have passed and I don't think I have lost more than 10 pounds. So I am planning to start a new journey that may help other moms.

After I had my third son, before I was pregnant with my daughter, I joined the YMCA. For the first couple of weeks I went. After those first couple of weeks it became a chore to lug all the kids to the YMCA. Then I found out I was pregnant, and surely I couldn't keep it up. So needless to say eventually i cancelled our membership. Now I am being realistic. It is hard rounding up my kids To to a gym. Personally I find picking up my youngest two kids a work out itself. But that work out is not helping in thr areas I would like.

I need a routine that I can work on at home. My new motivation to keep anything going. My readers! I want to start blogging each day ( don't worry othertopics
will be on as well.

After each work out I do I am going to use my downtime to write about it. If anyone has tips or could help me in with what I am doing wron g please feel free to post. Tomorrow will start day 1.

25 has come and gone.

So my birthday is coming up, and surprisingly my oldest son knew that its next week, down to what day it is next week. (Top that one hubby) and (thanks Grammy). So I was thinking about it today. I have actually mistaken my age several times, and I've had to look to my husband to remind me which number I am, (or turning in this case). I have caught myself doing this a few times already and I am turning 27, and yes I asked my husband to be sure.

I believe once I had turned 25 I started forgetting my age. I mean what exactly do you have to lo
k forward to after 25. 18 is you're legal. 21 means you can drink, and 25 is the insurance break they finally deem you mature enough to get. So what is after 25?

I figure that is my story, and I'm going to stick to it.

Here's to another year of forgetting my age!!
Oh and Happy 28th is it? to my wonderful Husband who will turn 28 the week after I turn 27.

NGR Workout Shoes Giveaway

While I can't personally give a review on these shoes, here's a great review from another busy mom, plus a giveaway! I know I could use a pair, there is no time for the gym in this house hold with four kids!

http://www.shopwithmemama.com/blog/entry/718671/ngr-no-gym-required-shoes-review-giveaway

Handmade party Supplies Giveaway

Over at The frugal homeschooling mom She has a give away for handmade party supplies. Ends today! Go enter!

Kung zhu pets review and giveaway

Give away Ended-Winner Saundra Post 3

Last Christmas you may recall the zhu zhu pets rage with our children. My kids were given several of them as of course it was the hottest toy. Sadly though it was my youngest son who enjoyed them the most. My oldest two played for a little while. It may be because we didn't get them the accesories though.
Just recently I recieved the new Kung Zhu pets. Now in this lots I was sent several accessories. To paint you a picture of how the evening started ( and continued) my oldest two nearly ripped all of thr boxes to get these toys out. My boys had already seen the commercials for the Kung Zhu pets. I believe for my boys the main attraction to the pets are because they battle. I'm sure one of thr biggest things that appeal to boys is anything that fights.
With the pets we recieved some accessories to go with it. The battle Center, and some shields and armor. They had a blast for that evening with these.

My boys are ages 6 1/2, 4 and 18 months old. My oldest was interested that evening, and played for hours before bed time. Longer than he does with some toys. He has gotten into the age of video games though, so toys don't appeal to him often, or for very long, despite how we now give him a time limit on television or movie watching and video game playing. He would never move from the couch if it was his choice. Now my 4 year old did continue to play with the toys, although it wasn't as much fun for him after his older brother stopped playing with them.
And of course my 18 month old has a ball pushing the button down and making them go. He gets giddy every time. He was also the one who enjoyed the regular zhu zhu pets.

Now my point of view on the Kung Zhu Pets. My boys have transformers, power rangers, and play swords and play guns. Now here's my take on these things. I tried to keep these type of toys away from my children, however it didn't take. I think my oldest son had a foam sword by the time he was 18 months old. And watched Power rangers by age 15 months. He was a early developer.

The Kung Zhu pets, are harmless in my opinion. The battling, is very much light and although it encourages fighting to a small degree. I'd prefer these over Transformers.
So in my book. They get an B +.

The Kung Zhu pets would be a great gift for a child around the ages 3 to 4 because there are small parts to the armor. I would think most kids over the age of 5 may find them a bit young for them depending on their interests of course. You can find these pets at Toys R Us.

Now you can win it for your son (or daughter). A great gift for a summer birthday.
One lucky mom or dad can win a Giant Battle Arena, two battle Hamsters, Two battle Armors, a ninja training ground and a missle attack tower. (approximate value $110)
To enter You MUST be a subscriber or a follower to my blog.
Leave a comment letting me know who you would like this for, and if you are a
subscriber or follower. All Entries must be received by July 1st 2010 12:00 noon.