Monday, April 26, 2010

Please don't judge

If I can be a story for anyone I hope it's the story of why you do not judge people. I am 26 years old and yes I have four kids. My first was born when I was 20 my second was born almost three years later. My third was born two in half years after him. I felt I was done at this point. After 3 csections that had no complications I wasn't exactly on board with chancing a fourth csection. Not to mention there were other things going on in my life. I felt three boys were all I would have! Maybe later when they were old enough I might be able to adopt, but that was a slim chance as well. I have been married to my husband for nearly 7 years. Our marriage is much better than it has ever been in those 6 years, but it didn't get better until about 4 in half months ago. In fact it was really bad just after I had my third son which was in dec 2008. Emotionally, everything was a huge mess. I really resented my life, the only things that were keeping me going were my three kids. But I was a total wreck! My husband and were fighting day in and day out. Throughout the years we had had several bit blowouts which always seemed to appear just after we had on of ours. Things always got better for the duration of the pregnancy but it always seemed it would get worse just after and of to add it would be a bigger blowout than the last big blow out. And after having my third it that's exactly where my head was. We had our biggest fight in feb just two months after he was born. And it hadn't really calmed down unless you count the events that happened and took focus away from our fighting but really it was still there. Then I found out I was pregnant. My third was just 7 months old sti very much my baby. The day I found out I cried. I freaked out and I felt like the worst mom ever! I had a positive pregnancy test and I hoped it was a false positive. I really felt like it was a bad joke. I was not in a position to have a fourth child, but there was no other choice if I was pregnant then I was having another baby. Then I had the thoughts about what was going to happen to my husband and I. Our fighting would become less I was sure during the pregnancy but it would pick back up after. Then there was if we just went ahead and divorced. I was alone and felt like I might lose my other kids too since I wouldn't be able to work ( nobody seems to hire pregnant ladies not to me tip. I hadn't worked in 5 years nobody was going to hire me because of when my last job was) so I will admit I did not want to be pregnant. I would cry about it I was so lost at the time. The pregnancy was overall very hard. Emotionally, and physically. I complained alot during my pregnancy. I think the only reason why my husband didn't lock me into a room when he was home was because I think he knew how hard it was for me. I know there Are women who can't have a baby, and I am really sorry if those had heard my complaints, but before you stop and judge someone who is pregnant, and complaining, walk away if it bothers you, because ultimately you have absoultely no idea what has happened to that person on why It is so hard for them.

I love my daughter she is a wonderful gift from my husband and I as my sister says my grandmothers last gift. She passed away two days before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. We have completed our family now despite what we thought. I feel lucky to have my little girl and there is a big part of me that feels really horrible for how I felt during my prEgnancy and so in reality I don't need anyone to make comments about how much I complained during my pregnancy.

So please before you comment stop and think because what I have written in this blog doesn't even hit half of the things that happenEd during the last 8 years of my life.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Feeling like a failure for a mom.

I am having a little bit of a hard time coping with the fact that I am supplementing my daughter. Just over 16 months ago I had my third son. The pregnancy was uneventful for the most part and his birth and my recovery was fine. He started nursing just after I was rolled into recovery and from then on latch and everything was perfect my milk was in quickly and although he ate often he would get satisfied with what I was making ( even though I felt like it wasn't enough at first). While I was pregnant with him and believing he was my last baby I was determined that I was breastfeed him for a year at least. I tried pumping with him to increase my milk supply and it never went well even with a brand new pump. 7 months after I had him on August 14 th 2009 I found out I was pregnant again. I had no plans of weaning my youngest son until the dr I was seeing kept pushng that I really needed to wean him because it was too much stress on my body. I gave my dream up of making it to a year. Two months after he was fully weaned. When maiya was born she was 9 lbs and had low blood sugar. Just like Konnor did. I nursed her for a good bit and they checked her sugar and what I had was not enough to help her. I went ahead and agreed to formula from the start. So far she has had one bottle each day and I'm not sure if me breastfeeding is doing anything for her because she still hasn't gained her birth weight back. I'm just a little sad that That I had the chance to reach a year finally and didn't and now it looks like I won't really make it to. 1 month. I'm just not making much in the way of milk. I started the lactation helping pills ( I don't remember the name of them ) but so far they aren't doing much. Not to mention I have a little trouble swallowing pills so taking them is hard enough. I have increased my water intake nothing. So here I am laying next to my daughter which I have nursed off and on for the last two hours until I finally gave in and made a bottle. She took nearly 3 oz this time which is more than what she usually is taking but she's fast asleep next to me. Well at least she's stopped fussin at me.

Friday, April 16, 2010

How I survived my csections

I Now have four kids. Three boys and one girl. when I married my husband we were actually pregnant with our first child Jordan. He will be 7 this year. I did not labor with him I actually had a scheduled csection just two days beforr my due date. I really have no idea If I can have my babies naturally. The only thing I know is that I have had four csections and each one I have shortened my recovery time in the hospital. With my first I was out on the third day by the afternoon. Probably the normal time frame now for csections. My second son i would have been out earlier than the first only they took forever to do the circumcision. My third son I was out exactly 36 hours after he was born. My dr wouldn't let me go home before then. This last one, my girl, I left at 31 hours after I had her. I dislike being in the hospital. I don't care for doctors apointments for that matter. For all four of my kids I refused to take pain medication, well narcotics is what I refused. Tyenol is what I chose instead. Would you like to know my secret?

Sadly there isn't a huge secret to it. With the first two I pushed through the pain. My dislike for hospitals really helped there. Other than. Nurse giving me a dose of narcotics which I did Not want nor did I ask for it and after I found out she hit the button my iv mysteriously fell out and i did not let them put it back in. Then with my third son, I was very determined to do things more natural. We had a holistic pediatrician and delayed shots and other than having a csection I wanted every aspectnof his birth natural which meant mommy did not take pain meds that would pass over to him. So I tuned out the pain and got up as soon as the spinal wore off. I never masked the pain with medicine so I could know my limits. Which mine are probably higher than most as I really do have a high pain tolerance. This last csection was really that much easier. I do believe a huge part of it is he doctor that delievered her which was another story in itself but we were really lucky and blessed with my new ob who delievered our little girl just 6 days after I met her for the first time. I am choosing not to go into details of why I had a new doctor so late in the game but I just know it was meant to be an we were Lucky despite the stress of not having a doctor for a few days. I went home in 31 hours with my sweet little girl and at ten days old we are both great. While I am still not able to lift my youngest son because my incision is not all the way closed. I have not had any pain and have not taken any pain medication this last time around. I felt great once I started walkjng after I had her. From there it was almost as if I had her naturally. I have had many Nurses tell me ini could have my kids naturally I would have been onenof those who ha no pain medications. I don't know what full blown labor is like, I don't know what contractions really feel like as I never really felt any. When I had my last little one I was on their monitors and supposedly having contractions however I never felt them. Either way I am done now. We have ended our baby making days for good which is feels alot better than I thought it would. I was afraid to do it for good whenni had my third. Which led to our suprise fourth. But now knowing that I will not have any more i feel like I can concentrate on my four kids. I am blessed to have a housefull and very proud.

One of my new favorite things when I have had anyone stop and admire our little girl, the comment of "is this your first baby?" our reply "nope, we have three more at home and boys too"

The look on their face makes having four kids sooooooo much fun. I never thought I woul have so many kids of my own, but I have never felt that a person who chooses to have a large family is bad it is a to each their own, and for us four kids suit us just perfect.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

How does it feel to be a mom to three boys and one girl!

It is strange.....
I must admit I still questioned even once she was out if I had a little girl. Nobody had actually said girl or boy only that it was a big one as they were taking her out. I had my first and only little girl and she is so much differnt than having a boy. It is amazing how I was so paranoid that my other children would have any issues with a fourth child and a girl at that. But they have all adjusted rather well To her. In fact everyone wants to hold her even the 16 month old. I love having my little girl but I can't help but be a little jealous to th fact that I was one of a kind in this household. The only
girl. But I wouldn't trade any of my kids at all. My husband has been amazing. My rcovery from my csection has been so much easier the biggest downfall is that this time around I have another baby ( the 16 moth old) who would still need to be lifted etc and that has Ben the main thing I can't get back I to doing just yet. If I could lift him to put him in his seat etc I would not have to have help. Sadly took miss holding my little man. As much as it's wonderful to have a newbie again I do miss holding my other kidstoo. Hopefully in he next few days I c. Write about my csection as I Seem to be geting lots of compliments and how do you do Its with getting out of the hospital so quickly and without taking narcotics the entire time. So stay tuned for that one.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Alvin and the Chipmunks soundtrack

Here is a great product description of the soundtrack.

The Squeakquel Movie Soundtrack is great entertainment for both kids and parents.  Featuring chipmunk'd renditions of classics from Beyonce, Katy Perry, the Bee Gees and many more, Alvin, Simon, Theodore and their girlfriends, The Chipettes, provide hours of fun for everyone.

I recently downloaded the cd to their little mp3 players and they have started to learn the words to the songs. Even my three year old. I think the best part about all of it is they started to do their  "break dancing" routines again. They hadn't tried break dancing in awhile.
This is a great CD so much fun for the whole family.
You can get your own copy of the cd here. 

It could make a really great Easter Basket gift!