Monday, February 14, 2011

Perfect example of an imperfect person.

I am imperfect. My parenting skills lack I am sure in sonmany areas just as my wifely skills very much lack in plenty of areas. As a friend, well I would have to really have them to improve so obviously there is much lacking in that area. I want to keep it said that
I am a human being no matter how much I get a God complex when I am with my kids.

I am a person, a daughter, a sister and I have had my share of individuals I know. I lack friends for the most part however I know people. I consider my mother my best friend and while that will never ever change I would have to admit it would be nice to have a friend to count on and to be counted on once in awhile.( being hours away doesn't count and you know who you are). I am blunt when it comes to this and I am sure this is my biggest downfall I just always feel people are ultimately out for themselves. And so I don't get close. I have "friends" but friends can also be people you know and that's where I believe my friends are. Will that ever change? Maybe I will be a lucky duck and God will put someone I can relate to and who can seriously deal with me for who I am if not, I have my mother and my blog so I will get by. But none the less, I am imperfect as a person, as a daughter and as a friend.

I am a wife. I was a wife prior to becoming a Mom. Now I don't want to mislead you I became a wife because I was becoming a mother. I married my husband while very much so showing that I was not exactly the most innocent woman out there. My husband was not the most innocent either. We started our marriage early and in reality it was not the most ideal. We have had our problems and still by far our marriage is not perfect and it will never be "perfect". For us to survive the years we have survived I believe we are in it for a long haul. Am I the best wife, of course I am. Do I do everything I should. Absolutely!!! Yeah absolutely Not!! I don't clean the way a stay at home mom/housewife does. I suck at it. Did my husband know this prior to marriage. Yes, but does it make it any easier on my family for my lack of skills. Nope it is still just as hard. Am I in parent mode when I should be in wife mode only. Yes and I will dig deeper into that one. Do I love my husband, yes! Do I get angry at him and say things I probably shouldnt say. I wouldn't be human if I didn't. Do I go back and apologize because I was in the wrong? I have and I have also been known to be stubborn and not open my mouth when I should have. I am an imperfect wife. Majority of what I say and do there probably is a better time or place for it all. Do I keep things inside when I get upset and such, yes, do I wish my husband and I could make even more changes to our marriage, yes. Would I do things differently, yes and no. Yes if all of the important events could still take place if I were to change other things. I am human. A person who says they have no regrets only learned that they can't change the past. And you can't but it doesn't mean deep down they would change it if given that chance. I would change how my husband and I were to each other when "dating" among many others things. I would change timelines on when I had my kids but most certainly not who I have. I adore the fact that my daughter is the youngest even though I did t expect to have 3 in front Of her. There is so much I would change bEcause there really was a better way to do it. But since I can't change it. All I can do is admit that I am imPerfect and I think about those things.

I am an imperfect parent most of all. I yell at my kids to get through to them because sometimes they just don't listen. I do not hit them but will spank even though I said I wouldn't. I have done things that I am not ok with and what others view as ok I don't always see the morality in it will insay something? I might or I might keep my mouth shut. Because I am a imperfect parent too. I have spent over 7 years being a mother. That job is the most important job I will ever have and it is also the job I can't get fired from. It's the job I will always make mistakes in no matter what I do. I will learn from one mistake but will make a whole new set of them. As my kids grow i grow. Most of the time I will say it feels like i am growing old. Do I ever wish for time away. Yes. I need it. I dream of a vacation without my kids. I dream of a vacation with just me and maybe a best friend. I dream of a vacations where my kids can sit in front of me and not have to look back every five seconds to me sure we are there because we wouldn't leave our kids no matter how many imperfect moments we have said I'm going to leave you here kids! At the end of each day If I could do it each day, it is rewarding to know I would not change the constant in my life. My kids do mean the world to me. We are almost out of the stage where we are constantly needed. My daughter will be a toddler soon and she will amaze us and start walking and talking. I've been in a rush in my mind but my actions have not proven that. I could make her take from a bottle by just stop nursing her. It might take her getting to the point of hungry but ultimately I think it would say she would take a bottle. But I would break way before then. Because no matter what I have this thing instilled in me. It's called imPerfect parent!

What I am getting at with this post is I get we are not perfect. I am a prime example but why do we allow ourselves to be that person who hides behind it almost all of the time.

I am amie and I am an imperfect human being. I would call myself a christian but I hate titles and even still I don't always do what God wants me to. Because I am imperfect. I lead what I believe to be a moral life. I want things and I also give up things. I have been known to be the best friend a person could ever ask for and I have been known to "let" a friend down. I wish my husband was my best friend and therefore know there is always room for improvement in so many aspects of my life. I don't always admit when I am wrong because yes it's harder to do than to say it. I am imperfect very Imperfect.

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