Let me add a little humor into this before I really get involved in writing about the actual content of this parenting style book. When I first got the news of doing this review, my first thought was ok, this is supposed to be a parenting book, it better be really short, or otherwise this author has something wrong thinking that a parent really has time to read this when they have kids already.
Now let me add to that statement! This book is not just for those who are reading "What to expect when you're expecting" books. Although, I'll recommend if you are expecting your first, this would be a good book to start reading, because it could be beneficial to start this parenting early on.
On to the book review itself. I was skeptical at first, but as I started reading it, Just the first chapter made me think, this is exactly the type of parent I want to be. I want to be that parent that watches their child grow up without wanting everything in site, but still innocent enough that when I give him something he appreciates it and is happy that mommy bought him something, rather than expecting something. My first son, is the first grandson on both sides. Then my second came, and well, he was the second. And so on till the third. Currently my SIL is expecting her first, and added a step grandson to the mix when she got married. Still though, my kids are spoiled. The one thing I dislike the most, is how my children have gotten to the point of not appreciating the things they have. One of the things that tipped me off to this, was how my mother sent my now almost 6 year old a toy when it wasn't his birthday, but just because. She had sent a box of school supplies and school clothes for him, and had to put a little gift (toy) for each one. This was my oldest sons first year going to school. After we went through the box my son asked me to call his grandmother (my mother). I really thought at that moment I had taught him well. I thought he was wanting to call her to thank her, so I readily agreed and got her on the phone. He kind of thanked her in his own way, but then proceeded to tell her he did not want the black power ranger, but wanted the red power ranger. I was shocked, mortified, angry. I immediately took the phone and told my mother I'd call her back. I was so upset with my son. At the time, getting ready to turn 5 years old just a couple months later. Yes, this was only a year ago. So I tried to talk to him about it. Explain why that was not appropriate, that she did not have to send him a new toy it was not a holiday, it was not his birthday yet, but chose to out of the kindness of her heart, and what he said to her was disrespectful and very hurtful because he was showing he didn't appreciate the gift.
I was also pregnant at this time, so my anger was already ten times fold when this situation happened.
I needed this book before a year ago.
The book talks about how you take on a lifestyle of "Entitlement Free" family. What this means in English because I know when I read the title I wasn't sure either. But it means you're teaching them that they don't need everything, that giving is better than receiving,but at the same time, that you can still shower your child with love, rewards, hopes and dreams. It means showing your child a non selfish way of growing up. Something I really think most of us as parents want to show our children. Life doesn't just revolve around them, and sometimes we make it so it seems like it does, and thats when we get a child to do as my son did a year ago.
Now please don't get the book wrong either, its not saying you can't not do nice things and special things for your child. It's not saying you can only give them the necessities in life and that is it. Instead the book teaches you how you can do it, without making them want every single time.
This book had just come in time. It took me about two weeks to read it, I have three kids and I am currently pregnant too so I was reading this at night when I wasn't exhausted. I just finished this, well last night, considering its 2:30am now. My second son is currently going through that tantrum stage right now. We're weaning my youngest, and trying to get him on a bottle. I'm pregnant (did I mention that yet), and there's been enough drama between myself and my oldest sons school, and then of course my husband and I. This is just the events going on specifically in my house, add in everything else and the last few weeks have been just horrible. So this tantrum stage is just bad. Probably again ten times bad because I am pregnant and have no patience currently. So as I was reading the book slowly, and I was trying to incorporate this parenting style into my life and daily routine specifically with him, because he's in that stage. The book gives situations, and then guidance for those type of situations, several of them hit head on with what is going on right now.
In the beginning it talks about quick fixes for tantrums. I have myself on too many occasions given in. Even though I always knew, giving in ruins everything. Many times I've given in just so I could get rest when I was sick. Consistency is always key. Something I just haven't had.
So this is why I don't call this book just a parenting book, but rather a parenting lifestyle. To achieve the results, you as the parents, have to learn and change your lifestyle. Something that is really hard, but I really think worth it in the end. I am working on achieving that end result where my children want to give their presents away instead of keeping every one of them, and that at the end of the week, month, or just one special day, I can do that one special thing for them, and they give me those adoring eyes and they thank me and they really do appreciate what I have done for them. I want my children to learn that they are not the only ones in this world, and there really are other children who have it far worse than they do. My kids are good kids, but they really are, just kids. And I don't want to lose the innocence they have, I just want them to lose the selfishness they can give out so easily which isn't their fault.
I am planning to make this parenting lifestyle change now, and I want to give one of my readers the chance to win their own copy of the book.
***How to Enter***
It is easy to enter, go to the Family Time INC website and post something about the author Karen Deerwester. Anything that has something to do with her, be it from her bio, her blog, or even her advice that she's given. You must do this to do be able to do the other entries.
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Please remember to leave a comment for each extra entry.
Entries will be accepted until Oct 17th at midnight (central time). Winner will have 48 hours to respond or I will pick another winner.