I almost think I need to go to bed early to be Able to continue this every morning. Yesterday was a pretty good day. Earlier in the week I apologized to some friends for the way I act just in general. As my husband has pointed out in the past and something that I do realize now I have problems making friends especially with other women because in my past my friends had really let me down. Growing up I lost so many of my best friends. While I will admit some of them had no control over the events that went on. Others did, and ultimately really just left me hanging. This took a huge toll on my life and how I was with others. I have become very guarded. My life had become only of my kids and husband. I never wanted to go out with friends despite a small longing of wishing I had just one friend to talk to even. When we first got Here to Texas I had felt I had no friends. I realize we all mAke mistakes and one of mine w a treating others as if I didn't want them around. I a. Truely sorry for acting like that towards them.
So on to the events of yesterdAy. I was I Invited to a friends house where they are kind of a small group of friends. I only got to stay a little while And I felt rude for having to leave rather quickly after getting there. I did feel a little out of place but more so because I felt I had nothing to contribute. I really feel like the only thing I know anymore is kids specfically my kids. I really want to apologize if I seemed a bit quiet as I take awhile to warm up to people. I am working on that. YesterdY when my husband got home he had a gift for me. A friend got me a bible and even had my name put on it. now it's a application study bible and I'm not sure what it means to be that. Ut I did sit down and start reading after the event last night. I didn't read for very long but I willbe continuing to read. I started onthe book of John and I haven't gotten far
aybe 6 pages into it. I have to admit it really feels so far like a story book right now. I hope I don't offend anyone with that comment if I did I'm very sorry. I'm not sure how else to explain how I percieved the words. I am also very much so not in far I to reading it. Yet. I will read each day as much as my kids and chores at home allow me to. I also need to reread my book today. I want to Say thank you for the bible and journal. I read the note you a placed inside and when I read it it really gave some comfort. I do feel like an idiot in this regards and I am slowly trying to let go of that in hopes of it helping me to learn to ask for help when I need it. I also hope I don't let anyone down. I'd also like to thAnk those friends of mine who have been emailing me with the encouragement. Nobody other than my family has ever been encouraging or supportive of me so having even the shortest email saying I'm doi g great keep it up is really just a wonderful feeling. So today holds cleaning and reading and playing with my kids. I askedfor help In understanding the bible and my book among the biggest thing for me to understand my husband. I really want that life with him . I want us tobe the couple others envy and want to be just like. I want him to be proud of me and I want to not feel like there is someone better out there for him. ( he is not saying that it's just kind of how I've felt especially lately). Smoothies for breakfast today!