Thursday, January 14, 2010

I'm up again

And of course that means I'm a but stressed out. I am hoping this is just a test and that if I keep going today and continue as I have been today will be still a good day. I have to admit the start of this wasn't what I expected. I really thought that things would feel great. My expectations are probably higher than they should be considering I am still on.the fence about all of it. But good days are still great though.
I am trying to keep the morning struggle at bay right now. I am the morning person in our familiy and my husband is by far not. In fact he stays up all night and we are always separate in the rooms in the evenings. The last three nights (and despite fighting) we have been in bed at what is a more normal decent hour (9 ish or so which is about my usual bed time) and the biggest thing of all is that he has been more awake in the mornings. Overall since I started praying for him (and me ) I have noticed a huge change in both of us. I will not lie though I'm still not sure about this all which is what I am struggling with right now. I have alot I need understand, but I must admit that my eyes are open wide to all of this. My husband is fasting right now, which I am not doing ( I already don't eat as I should because of the stress I had been under so yeah Im not going to add to that one) while I am proud of him for sticking to what he believes in i also worry. I am trying to bring myself to a point where I don't nag him about it. It is a bad idea to nag and it's not that I just want him to break (not going to Lie I wish he would) but rather that I do worry about his health in this situation. He assures me if there is a problem he will do something about it, and i do realize I need to trust him in this matter and try to support him instead of nagging him. I am asking for help with that. So I want to talk about one ofthe things I prayed for yesterday for my husband. He had his meeting with his manager and it regarded him getting his raise because he did complete his training despite the lack of time he had during work. While we aren't sure what his raise is for sure he is ok with it, whatever of however much it is. I say this because at first I had prayed that he would get the s
amount he wanted as I really believe he deserved it. However I realized yesterday it really wasn't the amount that mattered but rather that he was content with what he got and felt worth it all. So just before he went in I had prayed again about it. Just asking for God to be with him and to help him through whatever was said in his meeting. My husband left his meeting with a good attitude. Let me say that any other time he probably would have just been angry and I would have felt the tense feeling when he came home. Venting is fine but tense stresses everyone else out. I think we were doing this to each other though. So he was not the only one at fault with that. I hope all of this rubs off on our sons and we can change the boys attitude towards everything if only just a little. I know we are really only on the third day but I am seeing changes with us and I hoppe it sticks. So despite my indegestion I have had all week now ( I mean really really bad) and despite the struggles of getting up each day. And of course we can't forget theexpectations I had but need to let sink in that good is great too. As I keep saying i am taking baby steps

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