Monday, August 3, 2009

Back to the basics

I can't lie in this, and show that my life is all fine and dandy, when in reality, it is not.
My life revolves around my three boys, literally. If raising my boys was a regular job, I am sure someone would have sued for more time off. I work 24/7. My last vacation, was spent visiting my parents, and we went to Orlando, while we had a great time. I was still "working" the entire trip, (with the exception of two outings without my kids).

I have been married to my husband for 6 years as of this past June. I do love him, please don't think I don't. But our marriage has changed, and over the last year, has taken its turn for the worse. There are so many things that I feel are wrong with our marriage, and honestly, I'm not sure of the words to describe those things.

I can only start at the beginning with this, and over the course of time maybe get to the current.

We were young when we got married, I was 19, he was 20. Typical Navy guy, typical 19 year old girl (with some baggage of course). We got pregnant about 6 months after we met. We weren't even in a committed relationship for a full two months before we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Of course, we did the right thing, went ahead and got married, before he left for deployment. As soon as he came home, he had a 4 month old son, whom he just wasn't quite understanding was his child. I probably didn't make it any easier for him, and I'm sure a big part of that was because I didn't understand how this handsome baby could not be accepted, and there was no doubt of paternity, he looked exactly like him. Dirty Blonde hair, brown eyes, tall and handsome. His father, tall handsome dirty blonde hair, blue/green eyes. Me, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, many Asian traits. Yes my son ended up with brown eyes, and the ability to tan, but everything else is his father.
This is where it started though.
I didn't get a fairytale sweep me off my feet proposal, followed by a romantic, non pregnant wedding ceremony with all of my family and friends. Instead, I met his family(mother,father,sister,and grandmother) two days before we were going to be married. What a way to start a new life together. The moment we decided to go ahead and get married, was what has helped bring us to the point we are at today, and unforunately, that is not the best spot we should be in.

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